I couldn’t believe my eyes. How did this happen? This couldn’t be true. The last thing I remember is walking to my cousin, Sarah’s house for her birthday slumber party when my friend, Kylie, sent a text message to me saying to look up because there is a blue moon and I did look up. Straight up at the beautiful blue moon. I was surprised to see it was actually blue! I heard that there were blue moons but they were extremely rare. I smiled knowing I could brag about this for years. I was one of the few people who actually saw a blue moon. One of the few still alive. I stared at it for a few seconds because my neck was getting a little stiff. When I looked down, I was mystified. I wasn’t where I was when I looked up at the blue moon. I was in a completely irrelevant place and it was daylight. My mind must be playing tricks with me because a few seconds ago, it was night. It didn’t make sense at all. I looked up again to see if the blue moon was still there. It wasn’t, instead there was a bright yellow sun staring down at me from the blue sky. I glanced around at my surroundings. I was in a small clearing in a forest of trees that is no where near my home or on the way to Sarah’s. we live in New Jersey and it is so crowded there, seeing more than 5 trees clumped together almost never happens. I told myself that I probably fainted while looking at the blue moon and awoke to the new day. It was probable as I did have a history of fainting but it didn’t explain why I wasn’t in the same place I was before I fainted. I reached into my pocket to get my cell to see if there was any signal. My pocket was empty. I had lost my phone. Great. Now my parents were going to kill me if they didn’t already. My phone could have helped me because it has a G.P.S. in it and now I had no chance but for trial and error. I walked in the direction of the warm summer breeze, knowing it had to lead somewhere. As I walked I carefully took notice of every detail I passed. I did not want to end up doing a full circle. There was more than just the ordinary in this forest. I kept seeing glimpses of small human like creatures with wings flying about. They didn’t seem to think that I was anything out of the ordinary which was really weird because usually all animals-creatures sense strangers and instinct tells them to run away or hide in the trees. I did a three-sixty to see if I was going in the right direction when I noticed smoke coming from someplace to my left. I turned and hiked my way to the smoke. I knew it was a chimney so I could ask the people who lived there for help and where in the world I was. As I got closer, I realized it was a chimney and it was connected to a small cottage. The cottage had a thatch roof and looked like those cute ones in the fairytales I read when I was little. This particular one reminded me of Sleeping Beauty. She also lived in a cottage tucked away in the woods. But she lived with faeries. The thought of faeries sent goosebumps on my arms, reminding me of the strange winged creatures I saw. The front yard looked very untidy with weeds sprouting out everywhere. The grass was tall and there was a fallen tree just lying there as if no one bothered to move it away. A small garden stood out brightly in the yard like how a gold nugget will stand out in the midst of black coal. It was the only place in the whole yard where you could actually see the ground. There was an old man in the front yard of the faerie tale cottage with a gray beard and wrinkly pale skin. He had a brown hat on, a white shirt which was crinkly and covered in dirt after a days hard work, he was wearing brown trousers which were covered in mud as if he had just fell into a muddy puddle. His black Wellington boots were barely visible underneath the tall overgrown unkept grass. He was caring to the garden; pulling out the fresh grown tomatoes and basil. When he finally noticed me, he looked shocked. That wasn’t that much of a surprise. It didn’t look to me at all that this person ever got visitors. I felt sorry for him that he lived so isolated in the forest without any company. I wondered if he still knew how to talk. He opened his mouth, “Come inside. We will have food and tea while we discuss why you are standing in my lawn.†I took a small step back thinking if I should go into the old man’s small cottage. I didn’t know him at all and in this world, you can never trust a stranger. But I was lost in the woods and who knew how long it would take me to get out without the help of someone. I could always run if I thought he was dangerous. He was an old man with all the signs of age and I was a young girl with all the signs of youth well except for pimples. I followed the old man thorough the front door and inside. The old man took of his hat and put it on a coat rack. I stopped in the middle of my tracks and my jaw dropped. OHMIGOD! The old man’s ears were large and pointed like an elf’s! He st
Books & Authors - 15 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
short story? that thing is like a full book! who would waist there time putting it on yahoo anyways!
2 :
you left your caps lock on when you asked the question? P.S no one is going to read this
3 :
Is is a really good story belive in your i just know you'll do great
4 :
Oh yea very SHORT story!!! I dont think this is a short story!! Well this story is to long i didnt read! but then i did its good just use more voice!
5 :
I like it, just make sure to keep the same tense (a few times you used present), also use more sensory detail, the concept is good, just not so believable or relative yet. Keep writing ;)
6 :
um it was ok....personally i try not to incorperate common gadgets into my fiction writing.
7 :
It was pretty good. :D Good jobb.
8 :
its pretty good and yes it is a short story.you just have too many short sentences you need to combine some and get rid of some
9 :
I'm sorry to say I stopped reading after the first paragraph. You're probably not going to like my coments and advice about the writing, but you'll have to learn to deal with troubling coments. It's moving much to fast, I can't seem to grasp onto one emotion. Were is all the detail? what exactly is she feeling? because if this moving to fast, and lack on detail our readers can hardly tell what's going on right now. You need to come up with a more creative begginning. Sentances like, "How could this be happening?" and "What's going on!" are used way to much. That first sentance was ment for your readers to continue reading, but all it really did was make them say, "Oh, it's another one of THESE stories again". I'm not trying to be rude, just trying to prove a point and tell you that in needs more work. I didn't read the whole thing, no that's true, I didn't even read half! But in my opinion, this exactly isn't what you want to happen, I didn't think the story was worth it at the first sentance. People, go ahead and yell at me. I'm reading it as a writer, not a reader. If you want real opinions and advice, people who havn't writen before can't really give you good advice. Enough said, please work on it.
10 :
It was pretty good, I was interested most of the time. But the ending was weird...
11 :
my only problem with it was the lack of voice.
12 :
You have a few grammatical mistakes, and, in my opinion, don't say "OHMIGOD!" That is not good writing. The first paragraph did not grab me, but it was good once I forced myself to read the rest. You just need to brush up and edit a bit.
13 :
You posted this yesterday, but this time you posted more of it. There are still some tense issues. There isn't very good flow. The protagonist doesn't really have a personality. And I can't really put my finger on what else is wrong with it. It needs work, still. And you haven't really changed the first paragraph.
14 :
I'm sorry. I didn't even have to read your story to figure out if I liked it--it's so long!!! There's no "white space", the grammar is kinda bad, and it seems like you use too many adjectives. The best thing you could do right now, is... make a new paragraph every time the NEXT person speaks. Keep the GOOD adjectives, and don't go overboard with describing. Make it sound old fashioned, flowery, and yet, short. (Example: "he looked shocked"--"he blinked surprisingly at her". That's just an example. Maybe not a good one, though. LOL.) (I need to improve my own writing by looking up all these Yahoo! Questions. LOL) OK, good luck!!
15 :
your little story???Is this LITTLE !!! Honey your story sucks, I liked how you began ,it was really good. WoW blue moon ?How did you come up with this??? but i didn't understand the part where you say she fainted and woke up?? or she had never fainted ??? Anyway keep the begging and start over the rest of the story good luck : )
